Aging

Aging, are you my friend?

Will you comfort me

when my body doesn’t want me anymore?

When it gives up on me,

and finds an excuse

to make my day a misery?

I accept that you have to come,

that you must embrace me and all

that live long enough to meet you,

but,

will you give me a day without you?

Will you sit in the sidelines,

and give my old friend youth

a chance to visit me once more?

To take me dancing,

and walks on the beach,

and cook a favorite dinner with friends and family,

Without sitting down?

Will you let me,

one more time,

one more day do this,

before you enter my depths,

and take my soul from me?

Will you be there,

when I wake up alone,

and look for solace and comfort,

a warm shoulder, a soft cheek,

will you stroke my pain away?

If not,

then,

leave me alone for awhile,

find someone else to bug.

I didn’t ask you to be my friend.

I’m not ready for you.

You were kind in the beginning.

You spared me wrinkles and large globs of fat around my waste.

You let me keep most of my hair,

and even spared my eyebrows.

Thank you for this.

Over time, as the candles multiplied and love fell away,

you started visiting me more often.

Did I invite you?

You’re also a good friend with death.

You conspire in the early morning hours while we sleep,

who can you take, who is ready,

who will be on your one way journey to infinity?

Take them, not me.

I’m not ready,

youth told me so,

he’s my friend.

Come back later,

when I call you,

which could be,

never

June, 2021

POEM:  “IT IS OVER”

my heart is heavy and mushy as it beat in my chest inconsolably.

it broke into a million pieces when it lost all hope of reconciliation.

it kept on breaking with each sad, irreplaceable jolt of adrenalin,

that surged through the body in huge waves of ecstasy,

brought on by the tearing open of festering wounds,

that keep pulsating in it’s walls with such hatred and content.

the droning of my heartbeat was so loud in my ears that,

I thought it would burst out of my chest along with its mushiness,

and fall into heaps outside my body with convulsions of spent up energy,

that kept running down my bra, and got mixed up with angry words,

pouring out of my mouth, clashing with his swollen black tongue.

the blood in our veins pulsated forth unthinkable horror,

as years of pent up hostility burst out of our beings in frothy redness,

spilling on to each other in phrases of accusations and lies, and

bulged from our necks with a passion so filled with a rage,

we swore the devil himself possessed our sad, helpless souls.

then as our hearts beat one last time, for a final moment,

in our last unison of a once loving and caring couple,

I heard the words that would vibrate within my wounded chest,

it is over.

Oct, 2004

 “This Crazy Love”

I don’t know why I love you,

Its’ too hard for me to explain,

Your feelings can’t be harnessed,

Like the prairie’s open plain.

Love is not always easy,

It kicks like a wild young steed.

I suppose I have a weakness,

For things I do not need.

When you walk in the mountains,

Or see the sunset fill the sky,

My spirit walks beside you,

My thoughts towards you fly.

The beauty of the northern lights,

Or the song of the morning dove,

Can’t be measured by man’s words,

Only in the depth of love.

If God is really up there,

I hope he has ears for me,

To help me learn to make love stay,

For then I can be free.

But my love will never falter,

Or be wasted with the seeds,

That blow forever in the wind,

And condors up my needs.

I love you, I will always love you,

Although I don’t know why,

Your feelings can’t be harnessed,

So I leave you, with a sigh.

1984

“Demo 8“

It came one day in the mail,

A most unexpected place,

Love wrapped up in a CD,

bursting out of it’s case.

As I popped “demo 8” in the player,

And heard the first melodic tune.

I expected a fine operatic, baritone voice,

but not to fall in love so soon.

As his voice filled my universe and soul,

With every nostalgic note, every cord.

My heart ached with passion and longing,

as I absorbed every word.

How can a voice I never heard before,

Or a person I have yet to meet,

Stir such depth, emotion & love in me,

that I wanted to weep?

I felt his passion as he sang each song,

Heard the memorizing vocals, and his pain,

It brought a lump to my throat, a tingle to my breast,

and I ached all over again.

As I listened over and over,

To every musical, every opera, every tale.

Love came to me, in the form of a demo,

On a CD,

in the mail.

Sept. 2016